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Talk:8685932.dll/@comment-39103377-20190908145943
This is quite poorly written in most sections. Firstly, however, I did enjoy you talking about the nostalgia when collecting your child-hood games during your past. But, the rest of the story really ruins the point. I'll choose the numerous lines where either the grammar/spelling failed or the structure/language was used awfully and give the explanation as to why they were a complete failure to the piece: 1. "This changed when a peculiar thing happened, I received a package coupled with a letter that I set aside disregarding the possible information it may contain (stupidly)" '- Now, I've heard multiple Creepypastas relating to video-games where people don't heed warnings sent to help the story progress but, was this necessary? You receive a random package from some stranger without any warning and, with no reason to do so, just decide "''Yeah, it's that game I've always wanted"? Sure, you're a collector of old games for nostalgia but, if you didn't previously order the game, I'd still be suspicious about receiving a parcel from nowhere. Also, why wouldn't you read the letter the accompanied the package? Even if you wanted that terrifying ending, it doesn't make sense. You didn't read the letter, you opened the package and played the hacked/cursed game so...how did you see the letter? There couldn't be a flashback to the letter unless you remembered it being near the opened parcel and decided, after two years, to go read the letter. Sadly, either way, it still wouldn't make sense. '''2. "I unwrapped the package and to my surprise, I found a copy of silent hill 2 which immediately piqued my interest I took the game to my room and powered on my Play station (bought from a local garage sale) looking for a trip down memory lane." - Now, if you are going to use a game, remember the name must be capitalised so it would be "Silent Hill 2" not "silent hill 2". This grammar needs to be improved if you're planning on writing Creepypasta stories as no-one enjoys a Creepypasta filled with errors like these. '3. " I was prepared to take the disc out and break it over my knee in frustration when the game finally started at that moment which confused the hell out of me." '- Ah, the part where the narrator thinks or does an un-necessarily violent action because things don't go their way. Honestly, this wasn't required for the story to progress. You wanting to break the disc out of frustration was just your patience running out over you receiving a random package from the mail and not reading a letter that was attached because playing the game was "too important". If anything, the game breaking down was some form of karma for expecting the game from some complete stranger out of the blue to work fine. Maybe that was the purpose of the letter being near the package. '4. "at this point I was creeped out by the eerie nature of this whole thing thinking it was some person that sent a hacked ROM just to play a prank but it all seemed real and too unsettling to be some practical joke that some neighbour or member of my neighbourhood could pull." '- How? You were given a random package from some stranger and now all of it seems real? Someone could have hacked this, sure, but still, it was your fault that you played the game and broke your Playstation. Maybe common sense for at least reading the note first would have been able to help you understand the risks of playing a random game from absolutely nowhere. In conclusion, the story is very generic from the others. A person receives a haunted or hacked game that scares them, the ending makes little to no sense as the narrator didn't read the letter's contents in the past (the event) and the game itself is meant to be horror game so, this isn't exactly doing the creators any favours by creating the cliché video-game Creepypasta with the same plot-line, the same ending and the same type of protagonist. Maybe you should try and write your own video-game Creepypasta character and explain their purpose rather than use a game that you may/may not enjoy to start your ideal video-game Creepypasta.